10 Reasons Why An Ultimatum Destroys Your Relationship

Relationships are all about respect and trust, and issuing an ultimatum is the fastest way to destroy all that good stuff. An ultimatum is when you force or demand someone to do things on your terms, giving them the choice of either going with your decision, or leaving the relationship.

While there are definitely logical reasons that people decide to demand these terms, it’s an unhealthy, toxic way to handle your relationships. Don’t let your tiny fights backfire into huge, life-changing events you may regret. Here’s why talking it out is always better than an ultimatum.

1. Misconstruing it as a good thing

Ultimatums are sometimes romanticized or seen as a good thing. Often, we’re taught that doling out their ”dealbreakers” is a way to stand up for yourself and your desires. However, it’s actually a selfish and terrible form of communication.

2. Power imbalance is dangerous

Power games are the fastest way to ruin a relationship. A fight for power imbalances two people, and you always need to focus on equality in your relationship. When people feel like power is being taken from them, their ego can only handle so much rejection and disrespect.

3. Start a marriage on the wrong foot

Negotiating with your partner and meeting them halfway is the foundation of a healthy and happy relationship. Marriage brings up a lot of emotions for people, and some are more ready than others to dive into that milestone. If you propose an engagement by serving up a demand, it takes a normally joyous union and turns it into a pressure-filled attack if someone’s not ready.

4. They encourage the wrong way to fight

While engagement and marriage ultimatums are definitely some of the most common, there are of course situations with more gray areas, that corners someone into making demands. If a partner is not being as intimate as you’d like, or is suffering from an addiction of some sort, remember not to get defensive or yell. Instead, keep a calm state of mind and try to maintain an open mind!

5. They don’t encourage self–reflection

Being introspective takes work and requires us being accountable for our own actions. It’s hard to see the truth sometimes, but reflecting on our thoughts and choices is a good way to figure out why something triggers us so much. For instance, ask yourself a series of questions. Why is a piece of paper important to signify your relationship? Must it be your way or the highway, or there are other options available?

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